camfield | Fuck everything. I'm done.

TMI, angry ranting and emotionalism under the cut.

Well, last night my car died. Kaput. It stalled out on my way back from classes in the middle of an intersection and then would only run if my foot was pressing the gas pedal. I get it home, and this morning I find out that it is undrivable. That it probably has engine issues. That any time it is turned on, thick black smoke billows into the cab.

Fantastic. This is great, no really. I have one more week of classes, finals. I don't know how I'm getting there, seeing as my last money for the week was already in the gas tank and the only vehicle available belongs to my grandfather, who CAN'T drive and refuses to let girls drive his truck.

Then, i'm dealing with Ebay and Paypal, who seem to transfer me back and forth while telling me it's the other company's problem. I've called them about this issue 3 times now. 3 times. And it doesn't seem to have helped a goddamn bit, even though, as customer reps in my experience say, "Everything should be all right and ready to use." And I probably wouldn't have a problem with this, except that they are taking money out of an account that isn't connected to the account i'm using and creating fuck all with my bank. AGAIN. And since I can't check the information, I stupidly believed them. Again.

And here is the fun part. Because I was sued for custody (right, daddy sued me for custody), I have to maintain certain conditions or I can be declared an unfit mother. So if I can't go to school, and I don't have a job because of an injury that still has me down, I'm in serious doodoo. Not like this man has seen his daughter more than ONCE in her 4+ years of life. Not that it's HIS mother who keeps sending gifts, nothing from him. Not that the amount of child support that I get is laughable in the eyes of the court. Not the fact that he is married with two other children and only contacts me twice a year to yell at me for keeping his 'precious daughter' from him. No, just that I don't have a car, I must be unfit as a human being.

I spent a good portion of the night staring at my ceiling. then screaming in my pillow. Then wandering the short narrow hall of the house. Then crying and wondering what the heck I did to piss off the universe. And I'm sure it doesn't help that this all came the day I got my period. That's another dimension of shit that just...

So yeah. I'm just about done.